I am now driven to play, in spite of wrist/arm discomfort and occasional tiredness. I am guessing that it has to do with how angry and upset I have been. (See earlier post on December 8th) I have gone over the edge. As a friend observed, working out and sports activity are the best way to vent bottled up emotions.

I have played tennis and some squash for 32+ hours in nine out of 11 days:

Nov 30–2 hrs doubles + 3 hrs singles = 5 hrs

Dec 2–2 hrs dbls + 1 3/4 hrs sngls = 3 3/4 hrs

Dec 3–4 hrs dbls = 4 hrs

Dec 4–3 hrs dbls = 2 hrs hitting = 5 hrs

Dec 6–3 hrs dbls + 2 hrs squash = 5 hrs

Dec 7–3 hrs dbls = 3 hrs

Dec 8–1 hr hitting = 1 hr

Dec 9–1 hr hitting + 1 hr sngls = 2 hrs

Dec 10–3 1/2 hrs dbls = 3 1/2 hrs

I certainly feel fit. And I am definitely improving. Sometimes I feel really tired. I was like a zombie in one session. Punchy in the head. At first I thought I might be running away from my responsibilities. Or in denial about something. But now I think it is related to my rage at some of the bad breaks or illness I and my friends and relatives are experiencing.

I also believe that I am playing as hard as I can while I can. A way to convince myself that I am not aging and deteriorating.

One 62-year-old said that he sees the guys in their 70’s moving less rapidly than he does and flubbing shots. He wonders when that will start to happen to him. Not yet. At this point, with a new knee, he makes it to the ball almost every time. But don’t we all fear the negative results of becoming older, losing agility, putting up with new aches and pains, working around memory lapses?

Yes I missed much of the fun of playing when I was younger. I had to earn my living. But at least I am making up for that now. Until it changes.

With all this effort on the tennis courts plus my aching wrist and arm, the gym has become non-existent. Is this the end of the gym phase of my life? I feel sad about even the thought of it.