Posts Tagged humor

Jimmy Kimmel’s Glass Slide Adventure

This is a funny video about a glass slide in LA that allows you to look down through it 1000 feet to the street. Scary. It reminds me of the Sky Tower in Auckland, New Zealand (tallest man-made structure in southern hemisphere) I visited, that had a 1.5 inch glass floor at the top you could look through and see the ground almost 1100 feet below. Nerve-wracking to walk on, even though it was guaranteed not to break.

Although these experiences take no skill or athleticism, it’s a real confront to anyone, even if you are not generally afraid of height.

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Running The New York City Marathon At Age 60

Here is a really funny article by JERÉ LONGMAN that was in the New York Times with some photos and a video:

Wilson Kipsang of Kenya won the New York City Marathon in 2 hours 10 minutes 59 seconds — or as I like to call it at my age, a good night’s sleep.

At 60, I also ran Sunday’s race, one of about 3,000 windblown geezers among the field, expected to be 50,000.

“You need a pacemaker?” German Silva asked the other day.

“Hopefully not installed,” I said.

In 1995, before German’s second consecutive victory in New York, I joined him at 13,000 feet to train on the side of a volcano in his native Mexico. By “joined,” I mean that he ran up the volcano while I rode in a car with his coach.

A few weeks later, German finished first in New York, and, well, I finished. Actually, it was the only time I broke four hours. But that was nearly 20 years ago. Whatever speed I possessed receded with my hairline.

In April, I ran my first Boston Marathon: 5 hours 20 minutes. That is less a time for a race than a time for a crockpot recipe.

Not that 60 is a regretful age. Not at all. I’m much healthier at 60 than I was at 20. Back then I was on my way to 240 pounds. When I backed up, I beeped.

You know it is time to lose weight when you go horseback riding and the stablehand says, “Wait a minute; you’ll have to ride Big Boy.” Read the rest of this entry »

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How To Rule The World According To Amy Poehler

Comedienne Amy Poehler says this in her new book, Yes Please.

Spontaneous dance parties are important in my life. I have one in the makeup trailer almost every afternoon on “Parks and Recreation.” Dancing is the great equalizer. It gets people out of their heads and into their bodies. I think if you can dance and be free and not embarrassed you can rule the world.

Dancing can be so much fun, and there have been times when I just put on some music and moved spontaneously. It feels so good.

I went to a charity, gala, black-tie-optional fundraiser the other day, and the group I had been invited to join danced for two hours solid. Some were in their mid-20’s and others were gray-hairs in their 80’s. Thrilling to see and be part of the constant movement to the lively music of a 10-piece band. I was exhausted, but I kept going and kept up.

Did you ever see that scene in the movie, Love Actually, when Hugh Grant as British Prime Minister, starts dancing unexpectedly and forgets how proper he is supposed to be? Hilarious…we should all do it much more often…

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Stephen Colbert’s Real Man Workout

This is pure silliness in the midst of an ongoing feud between Sean Hannity and Stephen Colbert. Sean has lost 30 pounds and explains how he did it with a program of street martial arts, including “blade and firearms training.” Stephen makes tremendous fun of it, including an image showing how using your trigger finger can give you a six pack! Go right to 1:49 to see the mockery begin.

six pack from trigger finger workouts

six pack from trigger finger workouts

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Bad News For Wingsuiter

Here is an unexpected accident that resulted from a daredevil wingsuiter flyby…

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Ping Pong Champion

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Father’s Day Dancetime

Pretty funny. Enjoy Jimmy Fallon bopping and boogieing with Chris Christie. Very clever…great that the gov can laugh at himself…good exercise too

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Contemporary Dance Mockery

A friend sent me this razzing video breaking down contemporary dance moves for better understanding and to help newbie choreographers. It’s all ridiculous and funny buffoonery, so you might enjoy this putdown and ribbing of modern dance. An unfortunate possible result is that you will see your next performance with a new brain that doesn’t take any of it seriously.

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You Have To Laugh At Life

hahahahahahaha. Ya got me!

So just ONE day after my last post about how fragile Life can be, I start having shooting pains in my abdomen—about 12 of them over the last three days. Like an ice pick stabbing in my right side. Of course it’s the weekend, so I don’t rush to the doctor. But should I go to the emergency ward?

And I had just had two really intense workouts, so I was admiring my abs and feeling strong and healthy. By yesterday I was reading about appendicitis, hernia, diverticulitis, colon cancer, irritable bowel syndrome, looking at pictures of human anatomy, changing my diet, wondering how I could have an ulcer, fearing I am bleeding internally, thinking maybe I tore muscles, also feeling slight tingling up my right side and extending to my triceps. I mean this is crazy. I am SO healthy.

Yet here I am worrying about illness and death. Terrible. Are all these fears just a few millimeters below the surface of my daily mental life? Are these the anxieties I and others live with all the time? Pathetic. But nerve wracking.

So I changed my diet immediately, because the pains often came on when I started eating. I gave up gas-producing carbohydrates. I threw out some prepared foods. I drank more water. I semi-fasted. I skipped a daily yogurt. Maybe I was having modest food-poisoning? Maybe I had caught an intestinal bug. I didn’t have fever, shakes, dizziness, etc.

For the moment I feel OK. But these kinds of extreme frights are ridiculous. How do I stop them?

…20 minutes after writing this, I read a column about trauma that started like this and just embarrasses my feeling any anxiety about a few stomach pains. Life is fragile and also totally relative.

Tragedy has twice visited the Woodiwiss family. In 2008, Anna Woodiwiss, then 27, was working for a service organization in Afghanistan. On April 1, she went horseback riding and was thrown, dying from her injuries. In 2013, her younger sister Catherine, then 26, was biking to work from her home in Washington. She was hit by a car and her face was severely smashed up. She has endured and will continue to endure a series of operations. For a time, she breathed and ate through a tube, unable to speak. The recovery is slow.

…two days after writing this, the nurse practitioner at the doctor’s office told me I had probably strained a muscle, and I should take it easy for a few days: fewer reps, less weight, if I insist on my daily exercising. Today is the 27th, and I seem to be healing…

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Two Ways To Be Thin

Millions of chubby, plump and overweight humans want to lose weight, but they can’t. I have always been impressed with how hard it is for most people. They need more powerful motivation. I read decades ago that most people can’t save money…until they want to buy a house and need a down payment. With that kind of goal, they are able to save. What does it really take to inspire an average person to eat less and exercise more? What will do it in a majority of cases.

I am constantly awed by movie stars who want to be hired for a particular role, and somehow have minimal problems dropping 20-50 pounds. Either money, ego or a great acting part can keep some actors from eating more than 600 calories a day! Below are some incredible examples of actor weight loss.

However the video above shows how anyone can look thinner…at least for some situations. Try it at home, and see if it works!

Matthew McConaughey lost 40 pounds

Matthew McConaughey lost 40 pounds

Matt Damon lost 40 pounds

Matt Damon lost 40 pounds

Tom Hanks had to first GAIN 50 pounds and then lose it all

Tom Hanks had to first GAIN 50 pounds and then lose it all

Christian Bale lost 63 pounds

Christian Bale lost 63 pounds

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Unbelievable Athletic Achievement

Been away for two weeks and just about caught up. But have to show you this astonishing achievement by a very avid horseback rider. Will wonders never cease? A fabulous Halloween week picture from Central Park, NY by Bill Cunningham:


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Mother’s Day Roundup

think you can stop one of these horses when it wants to run away?  How about three of them without halters?

think you can stop one of these horses when it wants to run away? How about three of them without halters?

There are times in my life, when I feel no one else in the world—or very few people—are doing what I am doing at that exact moment. I once assured my lawyer that I was his only client that day—or ever—cleaning the inside of a horse’s sheath (the tubular skin that houses the penis). He agreed. I often told myself that no other CEO’s were mucking horse manure, when I had to do that chore.

I was reminded four days ago of those rare and special moments. Strange how many of them involve horses. We left the house just in time to head for my mother-in-law’s Mother’s Day lunch at her nursing home. Well into her 80’s, she is easily unsettled if we are late to the dining room. Just as we were about to drive off, I heard that a pair of sunglasses was missing. “Grandma is going to be upset,” I announced. And I waited for my passenger to make the trip back inside to search for the needed opticals. Thank goodness for this few seconds delay.

When we finally set off, I looked to the left and saw three Cleveland Bay horses staring at us from the driveway. It took me a few seconds to realize they had escaped from their fenced-in pasture. The last time this happened, two of them were in open fields and took almost an hour to round up. They looked great cantering through the tall summer grass. But it’s no joke if they make it to the road and are hit by a car.

this gives you an idea how big  a Cleveland Bay horse is

this gives you an idea how big a Cleveland Bay horse is

Now we had three mares wondering how they got there and what they should do. I quickly made a sharp turn to block one stone-wall opening, hopped out of the car, and tried unsuccessfully to prevent the lead mare from going though the other opening of our circular driveway and head down toward the road. Did you ever try to stop a 16-hand-high frolicking horse with your bare hands? Helluva trick. Impossible. “Grandma is really going to be pissed,” I thought.

“How did they get out?” my daughter asked innocently. “Doesn’t matter now,” I blurted, “We have to get them back inside.” You can really see the pragmatist side of me in moments like this one.I raced the car to the barn, picked out some neck ropes and threw grain into a bucket.”This is going to be quite a trick,” I thought, running through the fields after “wild” horses in my loafers and dress-up clothes.

But miraculously, shaking the grain bucket worked like a snake charmer. Those horses heard that food 200 yards away and came right back toward the barn. My daughter blocked one other passageway by standing in it with both arms spread out asking, “What do I do if they charge me?” “Get out of the way,” I told her, as I put a neck rope around one horse chomping grain and led her into the stable. The other two followed automatically. All three horses were soon in their stalls, and we were driving towards Grandma’s luncheon.

The whole incident lasted less than 10 minutes. We couldn’t believe what had just happened, and it all seemed surreal. Now who do you know who started their Mother’s Day like that? A small adventure in a somewhat special day made even more special and unforgettable, because someone left open a gate and someone else wanted her sunglasses. The difference a few seconds can make. If we had left an instant earlier, no one would have been there to stop those horses from running free all over the farm and maybe into the road. Lucky break.

I was proud that I knew what to do, was unafraid to do it, and saw that it worked. A non-event if you are a rancher or handling horses every day. But I am not and don’t, and was pleased how far I’d come from a small house on Miami Beach, where I grew up with frogs and pollywogs.

What did you do on Mother’s Day? Chase any horses? Wrestle some alligators?

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Love This Doctor!

He gives great advice

He gives great advice

A friend sent me this advice from a doctor he met. I love the insights and contrarian views.

Q: Doctor, I’ve heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Heart only good for so many beats, and that it… Don’t waste on exercise. Everything wear out eventually. Speeding up heart not make you live longer; it like saying you extend life of car by driving faster. Want to live longer? Take nap.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: Oh no. Wine made from fruit. Brandy distilled wine, that mean they take water out of fruity bit so you get even more of goodness that way. Beer also made of grain. Bottom up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have body and you have fat, your ratio one to one. If you have two body, your ratio two to one.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can’t think of single one, sorry. My philosophy: No pain…good!

Q: Aren’t fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU NOT LISTENING! Food fried in vegetable oil. How getting more vegetable be bad?

Q : Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Oh no! When you exercise muscle, it get bigger. You should only be doing sit-up if you want bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: You crazy?!? HEL-LO-O!! Cocoa bean! Another vegetable! It best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming good for figure, explain whale to me.

Q: Is getting in shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! ‘Round’ is shape!

Well… I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.


Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well-preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways – Chardonnay in one hand – chocolate in the other – body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming “WOO-HOO, what a ride!!”


For those of you who watch what you eat, here’s the final word on nutrition and health. It’s a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.

1. The Japanese eat very little fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

3. The Chinese drink very little red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans…

5. The Germans drink a lot of beer and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

CONCLUSION: Eat and drink what you like. Speaking English is apparently what kills you.

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Motivations to Lift Weights

gym inspiration

gym inspiration

Saw this and am lifting weights right now…with breaks to post this picture…

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Is Thin Better Than Fat If You Are The State Governor?

Today’s Gail Collins’ always-humorous essay, titled “Fitness for Office,” touches on the relationship between politicians’ weight, fitness and their governing record. Lots of smiles. Here are some of the best excerpts.

Governor Chris Christie (who is obese) says he’s very healthy and that “there is a plan” for losing weight. But there is also a plan for totally funding the state employee pension system. I wouldn’t hold your breath.

There’s a national accord that thin is generally better than fat. However, it’s hardly the biggest issue when you’re picking a governor. There are citizens all over the country who would trade their more compact leaders for Christie in a second. Just ask somebody in Pennsylvania. Or Illinois. The guy in Florida has the physique of a greyhound and the state is totally miserable.

In 2006, New Yorkers elected Eliot Spitzer, a man who could not possibly have looked fitter. We probably had the best B.M.I. in the National Governors Association. Just over a year later, he was gone in a sex scandal. You had to wonder if exceptional leanness might occasionally be accompanied by exceptional friskiness. As we all know, a governor in South Carolina once vanished for what his staff claimed were body-toning hikes on the Appalachian Trail when he was actually committing adultery in Argentina.

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Danger Lesson At The Squash Court

After my first squash clinic of the year, seven-year-old Alexander challenged me to a game. I have lost to a 10-year-old in the past, so I sized up this younger opponent and beat him 11-1. Then he told me it was the second game of his life and the first day he ever played. How did I lose a point!

A friend who had been talking with this aggressive youngster told me that the kid had volunteered his goal to become a Formula-1 race car driver. “That sounds pretty dangerous,” my friend had told him. “Not as dangerous,” Alexander answered, “as flying to the moon!”

Out of the mouths of babes come wonderful gems. They spit them out as effortlessly as a cough and a sneeze. Too funny.

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My 15 Minutes Of Fitness Fame On Reddit

Yesterday my son posted a paragraph on the reddit fitness site (200,000 followers) talking about how I did some exercise 330 days in a row as a challenge to be disciplined and to also keep a little bit more toned than doing nothing at all. Well it really caught on and was voted right to the top for most of the day. He also had some links to this irasabs site, so the traffic numbers were blown way off the charts: almost 25 times the average number of daily visitors. Even today the traffic was six times normal.

But in addition to 729 points, compared to 270 for today’s highest-valued thread, there were 140 comments. My son was proud and amused by them. I certainly was laughing at some of the responses. So here are a few to add some giggles to your day as well. And contrary to what some of the people suggested, I am not on any steroids or other drugs to bulk up…

I hope to be like you when I’m 50+.

Dang, I hope I look like you when I get to 30.

I never was into older men…. but damn you’re the exception

Ira you are an inspiration and a mad cat.

If I am 70 and look like that I will dress like an African Bushman and tell everyone to deal with it.

Your father is in better shape than a lot of men my age (22). Good for him, that’s amazing.

This is pretty awesome. So much of the aging process happens because people stop engaging in physical activity.

mein godt your dad is a beast, mine is in perma bulk mode with fat-beetus and a large amount of heart problems associated with bulking for more than 25 years.

It’s kinda sad that’s probably the best our bodies would look when they’re that age. I don’t wanna get old.

I’m sorry but someone doesn’t look like that at 71 without some help.

My first thought as well. People always assume it’s an insult even though his dedication is awesome either way. People (are) denying the likely reality that he is on gear (slang for steroids), but even if he is there’s nothing wrong with that.

At his age he could easily get prescribed testosterone from a physician too. Anti-ageing clinics everywhere.

Your dad is a very inspirational character, thanks for sharing his legend!!! (“story” seemed unworthy :p)

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Peacocks For Spiritual Tennis And Silly Walks

When describing my spiritual life to two church-going friends, I included the sounds of tennis balls I hit often from sunset to darkness at a clay court overlooking a small pond dotted with Canadian Geese honking and snuggling down with their lifetime partners. We are always joined by the cooing of mourning doves in the trees settling for their evening’s rest and the high-pitched cries of two peacocks—one a widower— calling for sorely-missed mates. How many people play tennis to the pleas of peacocks?

So imagine how startled I was to see within a week a newspaper article titled Peacocks at Sunset. It describes the “world’s most spectacular border ceremony,” between India and Pakistan at dusk each day as goose-stepping soldiers from each side lower their nation’s flags in an hour-long ballet of choreographed contempt, for there is enormous hostility between the two sides of what is viewed by the hundreds of cheering spectators as a sports contest that is some kind of venting of undisguised rage and resentment.

I have been to Kashmir and passed the truckloads of soldiers. I have seen the remnants of gardens of the Mughal Emperors who ruled there in glory and excess. I have read about the tourists beheaded there after I departed. But I am moved more profoundly by the athletic exertions of these border guards bedecked like peacocks and displaying nightly like magnificent birds. I am awed that these tall, bewhiskered soldiers who oversee a road that services only a few dozen people each day can contort themselves with pride as they carry out their roles in a dance that substitutes for battle. I am saddened that decisions by stupid diplomats (who in 1947 divided Pakistan from India) and the leaders of these warring nations resulted in the deaths of one million people and the relocation of 12 million refugees in both directions, so they could be with citizens of their own religion.

What hope is there for humanity, when you witness this ongoing distrust and understandable allegiance to religious and tribal culture? But at least the ceremony substitutes for continued conflict and killing and is enjoyable as spectacle and even sport. Here also is a humorous video by John Cleese that unintentionally ridicules the soldiers’ serious drama.

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How Some Old Dudes Stay In Shape And Top The Kids

Marc Sokolik sent me this amusing video that is not only entertaining but shows impressive sports skills by a really old guy. You’d never guess he was so limber. Watch the video to the end to see how he stays in shape, so he can remain so talented. Reminds me of a capoeira master I admired in Brazil—in his 60’s or 70’s, and he could still play with the kids.

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A Week At The Gym

This came in from a high school classmate, Stephanie Logan Kennedy. So perfect for me with my history of not being disciplined…until recently…

If you read this without laughing out loud, there is something wrong with you. This is dedicated to everyone who ever attempted to get into a regular workout routine.

Dear Diary,

For my birthday this year, my Husband (the dear) purchased a week of personal training at the local health club for me. Although I am still in great shape since being a high school football cheerleader 43 years ago, I decided it would be a good idea to go ahead and give it a try. I called the club and made my reservations with a personal trainer named Christo, who identified himself as a 26-year-old aerobics instructor and model for athletic clothing and swim wear. My husband seemed pleased with my enthusiasm to get started. The club encouraged me to keep a diary to chart my progress.
Started my day at 6:00 a.m. Tough to get out of bed, but found it was well worth it when I arrived at the health club to find Christo waiting for me. He is something of a Greek god – with blond hair, dancing eyes and a dazzling white smile. Woo Hoo!! Christo gave me a tour and showed me the machines. I enjoyed watching the skillful way in which he conducted his aerobics class after my workout today. Very inspiring! Christo was encouraging as I did my sit-ups, although my gut was already aching from holding it in the whole time he was around. This is going to be a FANTASTIC week!!
I drank a whole pot of coffee, but I finally made it out the door. Christo made me lie on my back and push a heavy iron bar into the air then he put weights on it! My legs were a little wobbly on the treadmill, but I made the full mile. His rewarding smile made it all worthwhile. I feel GREAT!! It’s a whole new life for me.
The only way I can brush my teeth is by laying the toothbrush on the counter and moving my mouth back and forth over it. I believe I have a hernia in both pectorals. Driving was OK as long as I didn’t try to steer or stop. Read the rest of this entry »

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Humorous Thoughts From An Overweight Senior

1. Now that food has replaced sex in my life, I can’t even get into my own pants.

2. I signed up for an exercise class and was told to wear loose fitting clothing.
If I HAD any loose fitting clothing, I wouldn’t have signed up in the first place!

3. Wouldn’t you know it….Brain cells come and brain cells go, but FAT cells live forever.

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How To Improve Your Skiing And Snowboarding

My son has a great idea, and two years later he is much closer to realizing it: a penguin hat! But it’s not a hat for penguins. It’s a stuffed penguin on a hat for humans. Quite cute. He has a great sense of humor and works sometimes for The Onion and the Comedy Channel.

I know it’s quite a stretch to include this video and link about how to improve your winter sport experience, but I am sure you will forgive me. You can learn more about the hat and how you might buy one if you go to here .

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Will I Live to See 80?

A friend and college roommate sent me this, saying it made him think of me. There are other friends who often make fun of me, saying that by my not drinking much and denying myself tasty, buttery, fattening foods, I may outlive them, but my life will not have been as enjoyable and worth living. What do you think?

>Here’s something to think about.
>I recently picked a new primary care doctor. After
>two visits and exhaustive lab tests, he said I was doing
>’fairly well’ for my age. (I just turned sixty-something.)
>A little concerned about that comment, I couldn’t
>resist asking him, ‘Do you think I’ll live to be 80?’
>He asked, ‘Do you smoke tobacco, or drink beer, wine or
>hard liquor?
>’Oh no,’ I replied. ‘I’m not doing drugs, either!’
>Then he asked, ‘Do you eat rib-eye steaks and barbecued ribs?
>I said, ‘Not much… my former doctor said that
>all red meat is very unhealthy!’
>‘ Do you spend a lot of time in the sun, like playing
>golf, boating, sailing, hiking, or bicycling?’
>‘ No, I don’t,’ I said.
>He asked, ‘Do you gamble, drive fast cars, or have
>lots of sex?’
>‘ No,’ I said…
>He looked at me and said, ‘Then, why do you even give a

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Strange Advice About How To Take Care Of Yourself

old lady

A doctor on his morning walk noticed an older lady sitting on her front step smoking a cigar, so he walked up to her and said, “I couldn’t help but notice how happy you look! What is your secret?”
“I smoke ten cigars a day,” she said. “Before I go to bed, I smoke a nice big joint. Apart from that, I drink a whole bottle of Jack Daniels every week, and eat only junk food. On weekends, I pop pills, get laid, and don’t exercise at all.”

“That is absolutely amazing! How old are you?”

“Thirty-four” she replied.

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The Importance of Fitness When Seeking Happiness

I want to refer you to a terrific NY Times article (
that is based on an Atlantic magazine essay (

It has to do with following 250+ Harvard College men over 70 years to find out who led happy lives and what might have been the sources of that happiness.

Here are two excerpts from the Atlantic Essay that are big determinants:

1. That the only thing that really matters in life are your relationships to other people.”
2. What allows people to work, and love, as they grow old? By the time the Grant Study men had entered retirement, Vaillant, who had then been following them for a quarter century, had identified seven major factors that predict healthy aging, both physically and psychologically.

Employing mature adaptations (see below) was one. The others were education, stable marriage, not smoking, not abusing alcohol, some exercise, and healthy weight. Of the 106 Harvard men who had five or six of these factors in their favor at age 50, half ended up at 80 as what Vaillant called “happy-well” and only 7.5 percent as “sad-sick.” Meanwhile, of the men who had three or fewer of the health factors at age 50, none ended up “happy-well” at 80. Even if they had been in adequate physical shape at 50, the men who had three or fewer protective factors were three times as likely to be dead at 80 as those with four or more factors. Read the rest of this entry »

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